a poem about my vibrator
My vibrators name is Vinnie. She is the first sex toy I’ve ever bought and owned and currently a single child. I blame her entirely for the loss of muscle tone in my right arm, as from the moment I pressed her to my clitoral hood I knew she had changed my life forever. I reckon the feeling of using your first sex toy must be akin to what Christian’s say letting God into your life is like. Deified, immeasurable, and fucking hot. Vinnie is not big, just a small purple bullet with a sleek silicone skin and a slightly raised power button, (the first toy listed under “vibrator” on Amazon, I wasn’t that adventurous) and her modes oscillate rapidly between barely moving at all and industrial strength jackhammer, but I can't imagine masturbation without her. Maybe she’s made me grow lazy but even a disappointingly feeble orgasm is better with her jumping and dancing across my labia.
She marks a point in my life where for the first time I let myself imagine what my sexuality could look like. That despite the fact that the idea of penetration makes me so deeply uncomfortable I’ve thrown up from imagining it, I can still enjoy a space of pleasure that does not require me to do the things I don’t want to, the things that others expect of me and my vulva. As a lesbian I’ve always been scared that a potential partner will look down on me for disliking this pretty essential part of vagina on vagina copulation, but as a lesbian, I also recognize the inherent queerness and deliberateness of any kind of sex I have, with myself or others, as being queer is not only a form of identification but a perspective on the world and my existence within it. Why even be a lesbian if you continue to stoop to male heterosexual notions of penetrative sex and pleasure?
So it’s unlikely Vinnie will ever enter me, but who knows. All I know is that for myself and for my pleasure, Vinnie does a damn good job doing what she’s already been doing, and for that I graciously award her with my sticky bodily fluids and my undying devotion.